Ding Ding! Old Man Fight In CANADA Ends With One Grandpa Bashing The Other With A Fish Club

Jalopnik- Perhaps in a very focused effort to prove that not all Canadians are polite, 65-year-old David Fox brutally beat a 74-year-old cyclist with a wooden implement that appears to be a fish club, a small, heavy bat used to kill fish.

The altercation took place in Peterborough, Ontario, and, according to what one witness relayed to Global News, seemed to have been predicated by an argument that occurred after both Fox, in his Dodge Ram truck and the cyclist made a left-hand turn.

Fox left the scene of the beating in his truck, but was later arrested and charged with aggravated assault and assault with a weapon. The cyclist was treated at the hospital.

Ding ding ding! Love me an old man fight. Looks like slow motion but their skin is so thin and veiny that the slightest nick results in a geyser of blood. And sure enough, there’s plenty of that here. As Maria from The Sound of Music said, let’s start at the very beginning:

“I tried to walk away,” says red. No, I’m afraid you did not. You went into half-mount and bashed the brains out of this old man like a slippery salmon. To your credit, sir, you are also old. You have old-man body:

Upper body like a pineapple but somehow your calves and knees are toned. I guess the legs are the last to go. What an unbelievable phenomenon.

Obviously we need to talk about how bizarre this type of violence is on the clean, green streets of Canada. The bystanders are so sickened, so confused, that they don’t have a clue what to do. “That’s disgusting!” shouts one lady, a basket of fresh muffins on her arm. Then Under Armour leg tat comes in and sorta just wobbles around in confusion:

Try telling me these two aren’t related. If Under Armor tones up those calves and pineappleizes that torso just a bit, he’ll be right there. Both gents wearing sandals because like father, like son.

On to our victim:

“Where am I bleeding?” Buddy, where aren’t you bleeding? Poor guy tries to rub it into his hair before remembering he lost it all during the great 1993 Canadian Federal election which vanquished the progressive conservative party, ushering in a new era of minority-party ruling.

I suppose we finally get to the bottom of what started it all when the bully climbs into his truck. “He called me out, man. He hit my truck and said come on.” Sounds like our bad guy spent a lifetime playing in the Quebec junior hockey league. Traded in his skates for a pickup truck, a boat, and a couple buckets of bait but would never turn down a scrap.

Ah well. Healthcare is free up north; the biker will be stitched up and back to… whatever he does… in no time. Sorrey!